Halloween, 2012

About three weeks ago we reshingled our house, or should I say we contracted with Lowe's to have our house reshingled.  I wanted it done when there was still warm weather so that the shingles would seal up good, but time kept passing and no crews came around.  Finally, a delivery of materials came and sat for a few days, then a dumpster arrived, but still no crew.  Now I started riding hard on Lowe's, where are my shinglers.  You have signed a contract with me to perform.   A crew showed up one evening, and I relaxed.  Next morning here they come knocking on the door:  One of the crew fell off a roof and broke his leg.  We're being called back to Fargo so he can get medical attention.  Now what?  More phone calls.  Finally a call comes, I am sending a crew in from Fergus Falls.  I think you'll like them.  Well, it did turn out all right.   They were a good crew that worked hard.  Arriving mid-morning on a Saturday, their foreman told them if they get the roof stripped by noon he'd buy supper at Golden Corral.  They did, he did, and to get it they worked until about 8:00 that night, and then returned to finish the job the next morning, Sunday.  I think the job was a good job; it withstood two days of very heavy wind a couple weeks ago.

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Another shipment of books came in for review from Western Writers of America.  I always have plenty to read.  The other day I went into a thrift store that has a good used book department and found seven Bernard Cornwell books.  He is a good action writer, a historical fiction author, who knows how to write adventure stories with lots of battle scenes. 

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I wonder if some people will ever start believing that global warming is real and will bring about climate changes whether we want them to come or not.  Satellite pictures of glaciers tell a story of the biggest symptom, shrinking ice fields around the globe.  To my line of thinking, this is an indisputable fact.  It's in line with those who deny evolution.  Why, I think there is even a flat-earth society that still meets.

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- Remember to save the earth: It's the only planet with chocolate!

- Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue!

- Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

- Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

- Drive carefully... It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

- If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

- If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

- Never buy a car you can't push.

- Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

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Next week at this time the election will be over.  Thank God!  I think it's about time to look at the way England and France conduct theirs.  They limit the campaigns to a set number of days.  I won't post a blog next week.  We're heading to Branson!!!

Some Good Stories

Yesterday we took our regular trip to Lisbon to visit my mother.  I picked up a copy of McLeod's Centennial history book printed in 1986 while there and when paging through it ran across this story told about relatives in Burleigh County.  I read it aloud.   "It was here on a very stormy afternoon in mid-January that Elisabeth told Arne he'd better harness up because she thought number eleven was on the way!  The nearest midwife lived 17 miles away, so no time was lost debating its arrival.  Hay was pitched into the wagon box, standing by on the sleigh and with several horsehide robes and blankets, Arne left the ranch on another familiar mission!  Things went quite well - about two-thirds of the way there, Cliff decided now was the time. Arne unhitched the team, took off their harnesses and turned them loose.  He then tipped the box upside down over the hay with Elisabeth bedded down inside and let nature take its course.  The team of ponies arrived home during the night and by the crack of dawn, a family "scout" was on his way, following the footprints of the returning horses, where he found mother and son doing fine, but dad had run out of chewing tobacco!

I could tell my mother enjoyed it because she was laughing and wiping tears from her eyes.  Then she told this story from her experiences.  It seems her dad, my grandpa, had gone to the Venlo store for groceries, but for some reason Grandpa's tobacco did not get put into the sack.  When he got home and realized it wasn't included, my mother was drafted into service to ride the horse the three miles and fetch it.  I still remember stories when stranded in three day blizzards the man had run out of tobacco and couldn't wait until the roads opened up so he could feed his habit.

Wife Mary reminded me of another story concerning an uncle of her dad's.  Immigrants, they were heading out to their chosen land. "They had about 30 miles to go.  Ice crystals were forming on Max's face and he was tired and hungry.  Before they left Shields, Max's lady cousin informed Benigna she was pregnant and the baby was due any day.  No one knew she was with child.  When her husband died at sea she was terrified thinking she and her boys would be sent back to Krassna if they were found out.  After a few miles she went into labor.  Benigna told Max what was happening.  They unloaded the hayrack, dug a hole in the snow and set the rack upside down over the hole.  They put straw on the ground under the hayrack and tied the horses to the side.  When the horses laid down they put blankets over the horses and laid down between the horses and the rack.  The heat from the horses kept them warm. The baby was born at about 1:30 in the morning in a snow bank under an upturned hayrack.  Max milked the cow and the morther drank warm milk to give her strength.  The baby lived."  The story went on to tell they left the scene next day and drove along until they came to someone's sod house where they stayed.  Tough people!

She gets the RFD TV channel and for some background noise it was turned on to an old Roy Rogers show.  I had a good laugh when Pat Buttram and Gabby Hayes were riding and arguing about Gabby's driving in an open Jeep.  Gabby couldn't take anymore and jerked the steering wheel off the column and handed it to Pat.  They made a show of handing it back and forth while the Jeep was still rolling down the road trying to keep up to Roy on horseback.  Finally they ran in the ditch and then really started arguing.  Great stuff,  simpler time!

Talk about being stranded for three days, check out this story: A cruise ship passes a small desert island.  Everyone watches as a ratty-looking bearded man runs out on the beach and starts shouting and waving his hands.  "Who's that?" asks one of the passengers to the captain.  "I have no idea," replies the captain, "but every year we sail past, he goes nuts."

It's Almost Time to Celebrate!

In three weeks we will be at peace since the election will have been held and the airwaves can be cleaned up.  There's too much money pouring into these campaigns permitting the candidates to clutter up our minds with excessive "stuff."  We've already voted; yesterday we went to the Morton County courthouse, showed our ID's, and got 'er done.  Upon looking at the calendar, we realized we will be on the road to Branson, MO on election day, so we voted early.  Nothing to it.
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All, and I mean all, politicians become experts at propaganda techniques to put themselves and their ideas forward.  When in college several classes taught the techniques: name calling, glittering generalities, transfer, testimonial, plain folks, and bandwagon.  Here is a brief description of each.  See if you recognize any.
1.  Name Calling - a technique to create an unfavorable opinion, even hatred, against an opponent.
2. Glittering Generalities - appeals to such notions as honor, glory, love of country, desire for peace, freedom, and family values.
3. Transfer - use of symbols such as waving the flag to  stir our emotions and win our approval.
4. Testimonial - associates a respected person or someone with experience to endorse a candidate.
5. Plain Folks - an approach to convince the audience that the candidate is from humble origins, someone they can trust and who has their interests at heart.
6. Bandwagon - persuade the voters to follow the crowd through the impression of widespread support.

Without any problem, readers of this humble blog will recognize any one of these techniques presently at use.
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A few quotes from notable persons support the above.  William Tecumseh Sherman writing in a Civil War letter, "Reason has very little influence in this world: prejudice governs."

"Writing a story without presenting a meaningful opposing force is propaganda." 20 Master Plots.

"It is a poor sort of man who is content to be spoon-fed knowledge that has been filtered through the canon of religious or political belief."  Louis L'Amour.

"When did ignorance become a point of view?" Dilbert

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George McGovern just entered the Hospice Program in Sioux Falls.  I remember asking him once in Bismarck how it was as a bomber pilot in World War II with 30 some missions.  He replied, "I was scared all the time."  We will never know what men of his ilk went through.  Doctor Wilson in Bismarck flew in bombers, too.  In an Osher Institute session, I remember him saying they had just dropped their bomb load where the explosions destroyed some site.  The crew began cheering about their accuracy when the pilot came on the intercom and said they had just bombed Switzerland.  Not good.
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The first printing of Paha Sapa Tawoyake: Wade's Stories sold out, and I have placed an order for a second printing which will be available for Christmas giving.  They will arrive later this week, so I will have to promote some more.  By the way, to dispel any notions, there is no money in this project.  Sales from the first printing paid for the book.  I can look forward to each price per book being less with the second since some of the one-time front end costs need not be paid again.  Speaking of not making any money, one more story can be told.  The Western Writers of America has sent me lots of books for which I've done reviews to be published in their magazine "Roundup."  In the last issue, I saw where the editor listed me as a staff writer.  I wrote telling him I noticed the credit.  He wrote back, "I figure the staff writer credit is in lieu of MONEY! HA!... But I'll buy you a beverage at the next convention."   I knew there was no pay for reviewing books,  I do it because it's fun, and I keep the books, likewise those sent by the Bismarck Tribune.  Las Vegas is the site of the next convention.
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The woodcarving emerged from a block of wood about 15 years ago.  I just took off all the wood that wasn't a happy drunk.

Used Book Sale

The semi-annual used book sale was held again at the Bismarck Public Library last week where  I made one purchase that I'm glad about.  Digging through a box, I came on a Louis L'Amour magazine, something which I've never had.  I knew that this magazine published for awhile in the 1990's and then folded, probably due to financial reasons.  Anyway, after digging down in the box a bit further, I found more and took all of them.  Of course, I bought lots of other books, but these will give the most pleasurable reading.  Curious, I looked on the internet to see if I could find any mention of this defunct publication.  Sure enough, I learned that only twelve issues were published and that is how many I found that day.  So I've got the whole set.  Then a trip to the Ebay site to see if they had any value.  Yes, they are worth much more than the dollar or two I ended up paying for them.  Some days it pays to get out of bed.

The first story I read in those magazines, Elmer Kelton's "Continuity," is a story of multi-generations living on the same ranch, five, in fact, including the youngster.  Each succeeding generation must fight the older one to make changes in the ranch's operation, the older one not wanting to admit a newer, more efficient way is available.  Kelton's considered one of the premier writers of western literature.  His novel The Time It Never Rained features a rancher who refuses to accept any government aid or programs to help him survive a serious drought.  It's a great read!  Another one he is famous for is The Day the Cowboys Quit deals with an actual occurrence when the working cowboys got tired of being taken advantage of and actually quit their  jobs.  I've yet to read it, but it is on my shelf.  My reading habits changed these last couple of years as I read more and more in the Westerns.  Maybe I thought I was above that literature and should read the recommended "stuff" that the eastern establishment promoted.  I've finally learned.  Stories of the "rough-cut"  frontier spirit suit me much better.
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On Monday evening the Westerners featured a program on "Little Casino," a madame who ran a successful whorehouse operation in Bismarck at the sight where the Bismarck Tribune now sets.  Quite the gal, she was!  When people from this area were trying to have the capitol moved from Yankton to Bismarck, they needed to raise money.  Here came Little Casino to a meeting of that exclusive club of men and threw $1200 down.  Asked, "Isn't this a lot for you, Casino?"  She looked around the table and said, "I can see more all around me."  Search Google for her story.  Type in Little Casino, Bismarck, and several items come up.
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I have no more of the "That's when the fight started" jokes, but Ole and Lena thankfully arrived in time to fill the void -
DURING the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from a pew in the front row. It was little Ole. His mother Lena beside him was horrified. She pinched him to silence, and after church asked:

"Ole, whatever made you do such a thing?"

Ole answered gingerly:

"I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He just did!"

...
Ole and Lena finally got married, and Ole was driving her to St. Paul for the honeymoon. "Ole," says Lena, "give me a kiss." "No," says Ole, "somebody might see." "Nobody vill see," says Lena, "and besides, we're married now." "No, Lena," says Ole, "somebody might see." "Ole," says Lena, "I vant a kiss and I vant it now! Stop this car and park it. Ve'll get out and crawl under the car and then nobody vill see!" "Vat if somebody comes by?" asks Ole. "Yust tell them you're checking the clutch!" yells Lena, and Ole knows he'd better stop right then or there will be trouble. Vell, vun ting leads to another, and Ole and Lena are under the car for quite awhile ven He is so happy that his eyes are shut, and then Ole feels a hand on his shoulder. It vas Lars! "Ole!" says Lars. "Vat the heck are you doing?" "Go avay, Lars," says Ole. "I'm checking the clutch." "Vell, you'd better check the brakes," says Lars, "because your car's rolled fifty feet down the shoulder!" 

 

Just Thinkin' 'Bout Old Times

I published this picture of the Sheldon Class of 1960 once before, but after meeting up with some folks for coffee last Sunday, it seemed like it was a good one to pull up again.  My old math teacher Miss Hansen lives in Bismarck; I've visited with her a time or two before, and she has bought a book from me.  She has remained friends with my old English teacher and her husband, the school superintendent, Mr. and Mrs. Vitus, and when they passed through on I-94 Sunday, they made plans to meet her.  Mary and I were invited, so we got to have a pleasant conversation with them for a couple of hours.  When they left Sheldon, they went to Colorado where they have lived ever since.  Big on carousel preservation around the country, they spend hobby time with that.

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A Swedish poet, Par Lagerqvist, wrote lines that return:

With old eyes I look back.

All is so long ago.

A stony road

with weary oxen homesick at eventide,

an old cart-track, the farm's gray gable

with a light in one of the windows.

The marshy meadows beside the little river

with mist over darkened water

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Fall with threat a bit of wintry snow came all at once.  We blew out our lawn sprinkler system yesterday, Mary is cleaning plants up in the yard, and our shinglers have come and gone.  I'm glad they came when they did because we still had a few warming days to get them to set up good. 
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I will watch the presidential debates tonight, or at least part of it.  Can't wait...
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Here're a few more of the "and that's how the fight started" jokes:
One year I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.  The next year I didn't buy her a gift.  When she asked me why, I replied, "Well,you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year.  And that's how the fight started.

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed.  I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"  "No," she answered.  I then said, "Is that your final answer?"  She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."  So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started.

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.  I asked her, "Do you know him?"  "Yes," she sighed, "he's my old boyfriend...I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."  "My God!" I said, "who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"  And then the fight started.

Saturday morning I got up early, quickly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage.  I hooked the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.  The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.  I went back into the house, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed.  I cuddled up to my wife'sback, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."  My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"  And that's how the fight started.

After retiring, I went to the social security office to apply.  The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.  I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.  I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.  The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt."  So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.  She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me and she processed my application.  When I got home I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the social security office.  She said, "You should have dropped your pants.  You might have gotten disability, too!"  And then the fight started.
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And there I was promising to write better blogs...